This post is either about setting boundaries or about eliminating negative people in your life. Maybe those are one and the same thing.
Let me tell you a personal story. I recently had to let go of someone, this is someone that I loved very much. I used to consider her to be my mom. With some long hard thought, and many worrisome days, I have decided that she does not deserve that title and she no longer has a place in my life.
For this blog purpose I will call her Y. Y was my foster mother from 19911-1995. The years that I was in high school. She was difficult to live with. She made me do all of the household chores in exchange for my ability to live there. Mind you, she was paid a monthly sum by the government for caring for me. She had a biological daughter, M, who is nearly the same age as me.
Within a few months after I turned 18 (after she had stopped getting payments for me) she kicked me out based on an argument over the fact that I had forgotten to take out the trash. At this point I was working two jobs, going to school, and spending a lot of nights at my boyfriend’s house.
In the twenty years since then our relationship has done nothing but devolve. When I lived twenty minutes away she never came to visit me and she never called. She made no effort to come to my wedding because it was out of state. She gave me many guilt trips for moving away from California to Michigan despite the fact that when I lived in her state she never once came to visit me. I did visit her about once or twice a year. We did not have a close relationship.
Let’s advance to several years later. She totally alienated my husband. He quit wanting to have anything to do with her several years ago. About a year and a half ago I bought her a cell phone and made the phone payments with the hopes that she would call or text me on a regular basis; but as it turns out the only time she contacted me was to complain about the phone and this was via text. About twice a year she would email me saying that she needed money or that she wanted this or that expensive gift for her birthday or for Christmas. I often complied.
However, over the past year I came to the realization that our relationship would never change. She would never be the mother that I wanted her to be. In fact, she wasn’t even really my friend. There was a big fall out when I quit paying for the cell phone.
In the end I had to block her from texting me, block her from emailing me, and unfriend and block her from Facebook. I am through letting her bring me down. I can’t believe it took me this long to figure it out. It really resonated with me when I read recently that one should never allow another to abuse them in any way.
I feel that I have grown stronger because of this. It is hard to accept that I don’t have a mother figure, or any close relatives for that matter, but that’s okay. I intend to build a family of my own choosing. I am very lucky to have a loving husband and for now I have adopted his family as my own.
Do you have a hand picked family? Tell me about it in the comments if you would like.
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